Space Force for the Flat-Earthers | Journal-news

Not all conspiracy theories are necessarily destructive. Compared to the Birthers, the anti-Vaxers, the deniers of the Sandy Hook Shooting, the Holocaust and Climate Change, the resurgence of the Flat Earth Society of the 1800s seems relatively harmless.

Disagreement over the shape of our planet isn’t being led by the under-educated or the overly impressionable. Thousands of people admit they don’t believe that the Earth is round, and many attend the annual Flat Earth International Conventions for the past several years, posting an active presence on social media. As Tom Nichols, a Ph.D professor at the US Naval War College and author of “The Death of Expertise” says, “it takes a reasonably smart person to construct a really interesting conspiracy theory, because conspiracy theories are actually highly complex explanations. They are also challenging intellectual exercises both for those who hold them and those who would disprove them.”

After all, to suspect we’re being fooled about the curvature of the earth — what damage could that cause? It’s not the first time NASA has been accused of photo-shopping rocket launches, and little wonder; so many of its staff are rocket scientists and would know how to pull it off. It’s impossible for us land-based laypeople to verify such high-tech feats as a rendezvous with Russian Cosmonauts on the International Space Station; to believe that we live on a sphere suspended in an infinite cosmos requires faith in science, rather than faith in a god.

One NASA-basher, after attending a Flat-Earth Conference lecture called “Space is Fake,” said in a recent CNN article that the debate “all goes away if they put a 24/7 camera feed on the moon.” No answer yet as to who would install the camera. One of their upcoming fact-finding missions is a trip to Antarctica to locate and document the “ice wall barrier,” which they believe to be the end of our disk-shaped universe and keeps the seawater from falling off onto the Underside. The cruise advertisement makes it sound like they know how to throw a good party, even though many describe themselves as born-again evangelicals, praying for the end of days to happen in their lifetime.

You’ve probably already read about the United States Space Force. The defense department recently unveiled its new uniforms, identical to the same forest-hued camouflage pattern used by the Army and Air Force. The embroidered arm patch shows a distinctly orb-like globe, but many are wondering “why do we need camo in space?,” and suggest that it would be better to have insignia in a nice jet-black, shaped like a hole with stars and space junk being sucked into it, since that’s what the extra-terrestrial front lines might look like.

This is not to say that we should, or should not, have a Space Force, although I assume that our implied intention might be to colonize any galaxy we can manage to land on, even if it is uninhabitable. And mining will be worth the trip since we’re running out of rare-earth minerals such as neodymium iron boron, a magnetic mineral used for building our Javelin missiles and F-35 fighter jets. Actually, we didn’t run out; China controls the market, according to a recent Reuters article. Another headline this week states, “US drones scouring for rare-earths to end reliance on China.” Unfortunately, galactic colonizing and mining are banned by the UN’s “Outer Space Treaty” of 1967. That agreement, signed by 132 countries, also prohibits placing weapons of mass destruction in orbit around the Earth, or stationing them on the moon or any “celestial body.” That is certainly a better deal than we have down here on terra firma.

But I’m curious why the new service branch is named the “Space Force” instead of the “Outer Space Force.” Since the Flat-Earthers don’t believe in “outer” space, it’s possible that this administration is shrewdly avoiding alienating any potential voters. There would likely be a squabble if we ever restored the military draft, forcing Flat-Earthers to be conscripted into something they don’t believe in. Would they get deferments as conscientious objectors? On the other hand, they might be deemed unqualified to serve, lest they compromise the mission just to prove that a round Earth is a government hoax.

Or perhaps there’s a deeper conspiracy here that we’re overlooking. Maybe our Space Force is actually controlled by an undercover religious cabal determined to show once and for all that the literal interpretation of the Bible correctly describes God’s creation: it is shaped like a Frisbee, was completed in six days, and has a “use-by” expiration date that comes due when the rapture arrives. The 24/7 camera feed on the moon would record it all. And perish the thought if — before that prophecy could come true — we mortals let loose with enough nuclear bombs to level our entire planet into a true pancake-shaped platter.

At least that would settle the issue, if anyone is left to argue the point.

Carol Williams lives in Berkeley County, and is a US Army veteran and former ER nurse. Her archived columns from The Journal are published in a book titled “the Age of Uterine Law.” She can be contacted through her website, www.anothercarolwilliams.com.