CARLTON FLETCHER: Of conspiracy theories and getting vaccinations

I am scared to death of a hypodermic needle. Yes, I’ll take shots when I have to, but I cannot stand to watch. I know I look like a 10-year-old kid when I turn my head away while being vaccinated, but at least I don’t (usually) cry anymore.

When I became eligible to get the first of my COVID-19 vaccines, though, I practically skipped to Phoebe to get it.

Yeah, I’ve heard all — well, not all, because they spring up too fast to keep up — let’s say a lot of the conspiracy theories about the vaccine and its impact on the COVID-19 pandemic, and, sorry theorists, I’m not impressed.

(I do realize that, by not condemning the vaccines available now to combat the pandemic as some kind of government or — my favorite — “Deep State … ooooh, that sounds spooky … plot, I am thereby proclaiming myself one of those people who “knows and understands all about health care” although I “have absolutely zero training” and am therefore guilty of telling you what to do without proper knowledge. Back up, there, Buck, this is an opinion piece, and the knowledge I have is that I’ve had the damned shots.)

Anyway, I saw where Dougherty County has a vaccination rate of around 24% or so. That, folks, is way more scary than BLM leaders handing out bottles of water with hip-hop playing … which, by the way, if you’re frightened or intimidated by that, you probably should vote absentee anyway and stay holed up in your compound, only coming out to get the mail so that none of “them people” who are interested in your mailers and Soldier of Fortune magazines can get to them.

(“Cover me, Martha, I’m gonna make a run to the mailbox. I’ve got the AK armed and ready, but you cover my six with the bazooka.”)

The reasons people in this region give for not taking the vaccine are myriad, and quite frequently embarrassingly inept … and that’s without getting too deep into the conspiracy theories.

“The government is trying to take over our minds and bodies with these vaccines …” “Bill Gates and George Soros are using the vaccine to kill off as many people as possible so that they can control the few who are left when everyone who took the vaccine dies …” (That, by the way, is my all-time favorite.) “My preacher said the vaccine is from the Devil and that we should rely on God to get us through this virus …” (As our coroner said, “God did send something to get us through this … it’s called the capacity to create a vaccine to combat the virus.” … Take that preacherman …) “I’m gonna let everybody else take it first to see what happens, then I’ll think about it …” “Trump and other rich white men are using the vaccine to try and take over the world …”

Look, I do hereby declare that I am not a physician, have not gone to med school, and do not know the first thing about what’s in these vaccines and how they were made. I also declare that I am not trying to tell anyone else what to do about taking or not taking the vaccine. But people whom I trust and who know a lot more about this stuff than I told me that the only way we’ll reach herd immunity is to have a large majority of the population either take the vaccine or get and survive the virus.

I decided that I wanted to try and survive without having to go through the virus, mainly because it’s killed a lot of good people I know and a lot of others I know of.

I was walking to my vehicle Friday evening, and as it came into view, I was drawn — as I always am — to the masks hanging from the rearview mirror for easy access. It dawned on me then and has stayed with me since: I cannot wait to take those masks off my mirror because I don’t need them anymore.