Trump, Macron and the conspiracy theorists

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics.

*This column is taking a break next week to spend some time in David Cameron’s shed.

We all love a conspiracy theory, and I should know because I’m fully vaccinated and so have one of Bill Gates’ mind-control chips in my arm, and am a long-time member of the press pack and therefore — checks emails — have my wages paid by Gates/George Soros/Hillary Clinton/Kang the Conqueror.

So it was, er, great to see the brief return this week of the former Conspiracy-Theorist-in-Chief Donald Trump. He issued a statement complaining that the U.S. women’s soccer (or football, if you will) team would have won gold in the Olympics rather than bronze if it wasn’t “headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs” (unnecessary capital letters the author’s own, although it has the side effect of making Leftist Maniacs sound like a punk band).

Trump, who would only stand a chance at Olympic success if “cheeseburger eating” was added to the list of events, went on to say that Megan Rapinoe (or “the woman with the purple hair” as he called her) “played terribly” and that they “should replace the wokesters with Patriots.” Glad to see he’s keeping busy.

Also, if anyone is setting up a sports team and wants to give themselves the nickname “Wokesters,” this column will be happy to sponsor you.

Trump’s old handshake buddy Emmanuel Macron was the subject of a conspiracy theory of his own this week after trying to increase vaccination rates among the young. Macron ditched the suit and tie and went on TikTok to say “how do you do, fellow kids?” (maybe “ça boum les djeun’s?”).

But it was his T-shirt — which featured a geometric owl logo — that was the main focus of attention. Some suggested it was the logo of the Bohemian Club, an exclusively male group of businessmen and politicians whose logo is also an owl (albeit one that isn’t the same as the one on Macron’s T-shirt). Others pointed out that one of the two French words for owl, hibou (the other is chouette), is a sign of bad luck or worse — for the Romans, the owl was death’s messenger.

Moving on to conspiracy theories of the future, the U.S. State Department is looking into the disappearance of a nearly $6,000 bottle of whiskey given to former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo by the government of Japan.

“The Department … has an ongoing inquiry,” according to the Federal Register, which lists gifts received by members of the Trump administration from world leaders, including several Europeans.

On the list are a pair of binoculars given by Austrian Chancellor Sebastian Kurz; a pistol from Czech PM Andrej Babiš (listed as Andrew on the register); an Ottoman Empire rifle from then-Bulgarian PM Boyko Borissov; and a first edition copy of Winston Churchill’s book “The Second World War” from the Queen of England.

Binoculars, weapons and a book all sound pretty dangerous items to give to the “stable genius.”

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Thanks for all the entries. Here’s the best from our postbag (there’s no prize except for the gift of laughter, which I think we can all agree is far more valuable than cash or booze).

“I really appreciate that you did not hand me a yellow jacket,” by Albrecht Rothacher.

Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot news editor.

*** This article has been archived for your research. The original version from POLITICO Europe can be found here ***