Jimmy Fallon: Americans Care More About New ‘Spider-Man’ Than Covid’s Origins

“Well, guys, as I mentioned, today the report on the origins of Covid was completed, and an unclassified version will soon be released to the public. And like everything with this pandemic, I’m sure Americans will fully accept the truth and they’ll put all conspiracy theories to rest.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yep, the unclassified report will come out in a few days, or sooner if Sony accidentally leaks it early.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to the leaked “Spider-Man” trailer

“President Biden yesterday encouraged Americans who have been waiting for the F.D.A. to approve the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine to go out and get the shot. But I don’t know, something tells me they’re going to find a way to move the goal posts again: [imitating anti-vaxxer] ‘Sure, it’s F.D.A.-approved, but is it farm to table, something that’s suddenly very important to me?’” — SETH MEYERS

“Following the announcement that the F.D.A. has officially approved the Pfizer vaccine, President Biden is now calling on companies in the private sector to adopt a shot mandate. If you ask me, this is just further proof of a giant conspiracy between the government and the corporate elite to infringe on Americans’ God-given right to get infected by a deadly virus.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Following the full approval of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty, so now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as ‘the Pfizer vaccine.’” — SETH MEYERS

“It’s too late for a rebrand. This is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, ‘Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now.’” — SETH MEYERS

“Listen, if they really want people to take it, they should have just called it White Claw.” — JIMMY FALLON