Does The Will Smith/Chris Rock Feud Have Illuminati Ties??? | Quad Cities

There have been a myriad of takes on the infamous Will Smith slap of Chris Rock at the Oscars Sunday night.

Some people think it was straight up assault, and that Smith should’ve been arrested on the spot and jailed that night.

Some people think Smith was a bully and that if the person telling the joke was the 6’1” 250 lb The Rock rather than the 5’6” 150 lb 54-year-old Chris Rock, he probably would’ve stayed seated and continued laughing.

And, some people think that Rock went too far with a joke that seemed as fresh as a Foghat concert about a movie from the ‘90s, and that Will was doing the chivalrous thing by defending the woman he’s sorta married to who has “entanglements” with her son’s 22-year-old friends and humiliates her ostensible husband by talking about her affairs in detail in public.

But perhaps the most intriguing take on the whole thing is that it was nothing more than a staged operation put together by the Illuminati.

Yes, that’s right, the Illuminati, the secret society of reptilian alien shapeshifters disguised as humans that clandestinely rules the world and programs society through its entertainment.

Those people point to a variety of evidence that show that the Illuminati had their fingerprints all over this year’s Oscars show. Those include the program books, which showed the Oscar statue silhouette in a triangle (Illuminati symbol), the backdrops of the stages all being full of triangles (Illuminati symbols), and the backstage craft service area full of Extreme Flamin’ Hot Cheetos (Official Cheetos of the Illuminati.)

Among the beliefs being floated by these hearty conspiracy theorists is that Will Smith is actually a mind-programmed, brainwashed drone of the Illuminati, and that Jada Smith is his controller. They point to the “evidence” that Smith was laughing at Rock’s joke until one icy look from Jada changed his demeanor completely, and he went from gleefully giggling to stomping to the stage to slap Rock like a dude with a twisty mustache looking to challenge him to a duel. The conspiracists discount such explanations as “yeah, dude is a total simp,” and instead prefer such explanations as “yeah, dude is a total simp who is also part of a top-secret mind-control program called MK Ultra that has been brainwashing celebrities for over a century to control the public, and Jada is his Illuminati inner-circle handler.”

Those people also point to previous African-American superstars who have been subject to massive falls in their careers, like Michael Jackson, Martin Lawrence, and Kanye West, and say that whenever an African-American man becomes too big of a star, the Illuminati sabotages him in some way.

Those theorists have also pointed to Dave Chappelle and said that Chappelle was warned about this happening to him, which is why he decided to check out of his career, drop his contract with Comedy Central, and move to Africa back in the mid-‘00s.

It’s an interesting take. I don’t know about the Illuminati part, or the mind-control thing, but it is unusual that there are so many huge African-American stars who end up encountering repeated pitfalls when they’re at the height of their success. But that could also be a bit of ole-fashioned racism.

There’s another school of thought that says that Will Smith isn’t, in fact, a mind-controlled drone, and, instead, was fully cognizant of his actions, which he worked out and staged with Chris Rock before the show.

Triangles in the background? Either that’s a sign of the Illuminati or someone really enjoys the pythagorean theorem.

Those people point to various videos of Smith showing little kids in schools how he fakes punches and slaps in movies. They also point to the wimpiness of the slap he put on Rock, and the fact that some camera angles show he barely touched him, not to mention the fact that Rock seemed to barely be affected by it, keeping his hands in his pocket and literally laughing it off afterwards.

Some of these people think that it was part of an Illuminati plot to tear down the constitution and the right to free speech, and to put people into a mindset that it’s normal to see violence being used to suppress free speech.

Others say that the Illuminati have nothing to do with it, and instead it was just the Academy, looking to create a publicity stunt since ratings have been in the toilet in recent years. So, they came up with the plot to have these two “warring stars” seem to get into an altercation to get everyone talking and sharing memes for the week following the event.

If that’s true, well, fantastic job by the Academy, because that’s exactly what happened!

If that’s true, also, terrible job by the Academy, because nobody at all is talking about the actual winners or the Oscars ceremony though aside from that moment.

More triangles! And a golden statue! This has got to be proof of something!

One of the crazier theories going around – and, ya know, looking at what I’ve already detailed in this column, that’s saying a lot – is that the whole thing was a roundabout way to highlight Jada’s alopecia and get people talking about alopecia.

Why?

Because Pfizer is about to debut a drug to treat and cure alopecia, and Pfizer was one of the big commercial sponsors of the Oscars.

Normally, I’m all for theories that come down to huge corporations manipulating things to make more money, but I’ve got to bid farewell to the crowd going down the path on this one. Godspeed, yonder travelers, but, nah, I don’t think so in this case.

Along those same lines, there are some people who are saying that this was all a publicity stunt to revive Jada’s career, albeit at the expense of Will’s. Then again, I would’ve thought Will sitting down last year for an interview on his wife’s little-seen talk show where she belittled him as a lover and husband and talked about her affair with one of her son’s friends would’ve checked both of those boxes. However, that has nothing close to the audience of the Oscars. Could there be something to this? Well, it’s certainly more plausible than her being a reptilian shape-shifter who’s brainwashed Will Smith.

After all, he’s one of the Men in Black.

Allegedly, this picture is proof of Smith’s involvement in freemasonry because his hand is in his shirt. Or it’s proof he’s got an itchy nipple.

So, when all’s said and done, and all the Illuminati theories and craziness has been set aside, what’s MY take on all this?

My take is that it’s an incredibly sad situation all around. I’ve been a fan of Will Smith. I’ve been a fan of Chris Rock. I felt bad for both of them after seeing what happened. It’s something that completely tainted and stained what was perhaps the biggest moment in Will Smith’s career, when he became only the fifth African-American actor to win Best Actor. It also splattered Chris Rock’s career too in its aftermath, as he’s long going to be seen as the comedian who got hit by Will Smith, and in some people’s minds, justifiably for “picking on” Smith’s wife.

To me though, it illustrates a bigger problem in society and life in general.

And this is a take I’ve yet to see anyone else have, but it’s what came to my mind almost immediately after watching the entire video of what happened.

I think this is a life lesson to people in general to get out of toxic relationships and quit holding on to them, because they almost never end well and people just keep on getting hurt along the way.

Since 2015, the sad decline of Will and Jada’s marriage has been sordidly playing out in public, and none of it has been good. It’s been a pathetic roller coaster in which Will, who up until that point was seen in a very positive light with the public, started having his name dragged through the mud with all of these lurid illuminations and rumors about his love life and odd arrangements he and his wife may or may not have had. Did they have an open marriage? Was he a cuck who enjoyed his wife being with other men? Was he secretly gay? All of these things swirled around, along with other more banal recriminations like Jada was getting revenge on him for cheating on her in the first place, which was less lurid, but still not good publicity.

Then came the affair, and the fact that it was with one of their son’s friends, and accusations that Will condoned it and allowed it to happen at their house, and him and his wife sitting down while she belittled him in bed, and… it was masochistic to watch, let alone, I would imagine, taking part in it.

I don’t know why Will Smith, one of the biggest stars on the planet, incredibly rich, who could have his pick of countless other women, would want to belittle himself and his ego by continuing to be a part of this toxic combination instead of getting out of it and moving on. But, he did, and he continued to do so, and, well, here we are.

However, I can’t help but be reminded of something I said to a friend of mine that night after the Oscars as the debacle began to erupt as the talk of social media.

I said, “Can you imagine how much better Will Smith’s life would be right now if he had gotten divorced last year, and had been a single man going to the Oscars tonight?”

Kanye, just stay home, man.

Think about it.

He’s single and free, maybe he’s there with a date, maybe he’s not. Either way, there’s no “GI Jane” joke. There’s no fracas with Chris Rock. Rock probably lobs him a lame “Fresh Prince” joke or something stupid like that, and Will just laughs along, just like husband-and-wife Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem laughed along when Rock joked about each of them as a couple right before he hit the Smiths. Because happy people can take a joke, because they realize it’s a joke, and it’s insignificant. Only unhappy people turn a slight into a flashpoint for their deeper anger and unhappiness.

So, Will takes a couple stupid jokes from Rock and nobody cares, and he moves on. And then Will gets his award, and he gives a speech that seems heartfelt rather than ironic, and the headlines are about how African-Americans were big winners at the Oscars, and everyone is mentioning Questlove and Will Smith, and people are talking about the amazing impact of “Coda” on representation for the deaf, and they’re talking about the wonderful moment between Lady Gaga and Liza Minelli.

And that’s it. The Illuminati conspiracies are just about the triangles and the Flaming Hot Cheetos. And maybe Lady Gaga, because she’s a favorite target of conspiracy theorists.

But Will Smith leaves the ceremony, and spends the night, and the week after, a much happier man as a bachelor.

And, most likely, Jada Smith, doing whatever it is she’s doing, with whatever person she chooses to spend that time with, is probably happier as well, not being criticized by millions of people online as she is right now.

Instead, we have, well, we have this.

So, that’s my take on it. Sometimes it’s better to break up and go your separate ways, to truly make the break and move on, to be happier apart, than to cling on to something that maybe isn’t the healthiest for either of you.

Good advice for people in general.

But especially, right now, for Kanye West.

I know you’re thinking about it, Yeezy.

Don’t.

The Grammys are right around the corner, yes, but Pete Davidson isn’t worth it.

Sean Leary is an author, director, artist, musician, producer and entrepreneur who has been writing professionally since debuting at age 11 in the pages of the Comics Buyers Guide. An honors graduate of the University of Southern California masters program, he has written over 50 books including the best-sellers The Arimathean, Every Number is Lucky to Someone and We Are All Characters.