5G conspiracists reaching evidence-free conclusions up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracists

Normal people are concerned that 5G conspiracy theorists are reaching fanciful inaccurate conclusions at speeds up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracy theorists ever could, even at their most efficient.

The current batshit crazy theory that 5G phone masts can spread coronavirus and control your mind has spread approximately 18 times faster than that which led to the burning of 4G masks nearly 10 years ago.

4G conspiracist, Simon Williams, said, “With every generation of conspiracy theorist we are getting faster and much more efficient.

“Soon, we’ll be spreading conspiracies faster than even the craziest nutcase can even think of them.

“I will soon be upgrading myself to 5G as my contract with David Icke is nearly up and I’ll be looking for a better deal, with access to millions more conspiracy theories much more quickly.

“Or, as it’s more commonly known, The Daily Express.”