Abby Coleman Has ‘Pity’ and ‘Anger’ for QAnon Husband Matthew Who Allegedly Killed Their 2 Children

Abby Coleman’s life changed forever on August 7, 2021 — and the former Santa Barbara mother is still reeling from that tragic day.

Abby was packing for a family camping trip with her husband, Matthew Taylor Coleman. Authorities allege that Matthew abruptly put his two kids — Kaleo, 2, and Roxy, 10 months — into his van and drove away from their Santa Barbara, Calif., home.

Abby called police out of concern. According to the FBI’s criminal complaint, she told authorities that she and her husband had not been arguing and that there was no marital strife. She told cops that she did not believe that the children were in any danger and that she thought Matthew would eventually return home with the kids.

But police say he didn’t return, instead driving the children into Mexico. Two days later, authorities allege, he took the kids to a ranch, where he killed them with a spearfishing gun and returned to his hotel a few hours later. He was arrested when he attempted to cross the border back into the United States.

“Her life ended that day — the life that she had, and the plans that she had made for herself and her family,” says a family friend who is still in contact with Abby, now 36. “He destroyed her that day.”

Abby Coleman has left Santa Barbara and now lives with family members in Texas. According to the friend, she is still picking up the pieces.

“She’s trying to heal, and has very conflicting feelings,” says the source. “One day, she will express some pity and concern for Matthew, and other days, she never wants to see him again.”

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According to the FBI’s criminal complaint, Matthew allegedly told police he was motivated by the QAnon conspiracy theory, which falsely claims former President Donald Trump is secretly battling a cabal of Satan-worshipping pedophiles at the highest levels of political power and influence.

Coleman had other delusions as well, the affidavit states.

“He said visions and signs revealed that his wife, A.C. [Abby Coleman], possessed serpent DNA (M. COLEMAN mentioned that he was not sure if his wife was a shapeshifter) and had passed it onto his children and that all things were pointing to the idea that his children have corrupted DNA that will spread if something is not done about it,” states the affidavit.

While Abby Coleman was not as devoted to QAnon conspiracies, she exchanged text messages with her husband that seemed to indicate that she held some of the same beliefs.

Around 9:24 am on August 7, 2021 — hours after the time officials think the children were killed — authorities say that Abby texted her husband, imploring him to take care of their children.

“We are doing this together, babe,” she wrote. “Praying for clarity over you and your mind this morning. Everything you’ve believed and known to be true is happening right now. I’m partnering with you from [Santa Barbara]. Let’s take back our city. The gateway of revival for the state of California and the nation and the world You were created to change the course of world history. Take care of my little giant slayer and the voice of heaven’s dove. They sure are special.”

The source says that Abby is still processing some of the QAnon theories that she and Matthew believed. “She has second guessed everything and now realizes that some of those theories weren’t even close to being true,” says the insider, who says Abby has lots of “anger” toward Matthew. “It’s been a really weird journey for her, and she’s still on it.”

Matthew, now 41, has pleaded not guilty to federal charges of murdering U.S. nationals on foreign soil. He is being held without bond at an undisclosed federal prison in California, and has undergone psychological testing to determine his state of mind. His attorney did not immediately return PEOPLE’s calls for comment.