Emergency Broadcast System Had Everything: 5G, Nukes, and Zombies
Back in 2018, in those halcyon days when COVID was but a glimmer in fate’s eye, the first national wireless test of the Emergency Alert System was performed. This being the middle of the Trump administration, there was some suspicion and hostility at the idea of a national alert that could only be activated by the president. My friend Andy Faccini wrote in the Boston Globe about it at the time and it’s worth reading now. In times of national emergency, such as a nuclear attack, an emergency broadcast would be used to communicate immediately nationwide. Putting aside concerns about the presidents themselves, it’s a communication utility for the most dire emergencies. Yesterday afternoon, it was tested; it was loud and rattled around, and then everyone went on with their day.
But of course, that’s just what they want us to think! What actually happened was the start of nuclear war and/or 5G-activated nano-whatevers inside Covid vaccines that gave everyone a different fatal disease and also made them zombies. Isn’t 2023 wonderful?
Of course there’s an incoherent chimera of existing conspiracy theories about the EAS test. Glenn Beck hacked up a finely chewed wad of bullshit that vaguely resembled a complete thought about nuclear war with Russia. I honestly can’t be more bored by him or his unimaginative pablum when zombies are also on the table. That’s right! You thought the clarion going off in the middle of the day was just jarring, but it also used 5G (uniquely evil compared to 4G, I suppose) to activate nano-bots (?) in the Covid vaccine that will give everyone Marburg virus and/or zombify us all. After being horrified by Wikipedia’s description of Marburg, I suspect being a zombie is preferable. I have never seen a more 2023 conspiracy theory in my entire life: borrowing from other silly conspiracy theories like 5G and anti-vax persecution fantasies combined with zombies. I didn’t expect the undead to be involved, but maybe the conspiracy theorists are just Ahsoka fans?
Anyway, let us know in the comments if you’ve been experiencing hemorrhagic fever or a sudden hunger for brains since yesterday!
