Today in history: Warren Commission “finds out” who killed JFK

President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, on November 22, 1963. A week following his death, on November 29, 1963, President Lyndon B. Johnson established the Warren Commission to investigate the assassination. The commission claimed that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in killing the president, pinning him as the gunman. Oswald claimed he was a scapegoat and was being framed for JFK’s murder. Oswald was killed before trial by the nightclub owner Jack Ruby, who had ties to the Mafia. His death, among inconsistencies others pointed out, begged the question:

Who really killed President John F. Kennedy? Well, it depends on who you ask.

One of the leading theories is that the CIA was behind JFK’s death, which is a valid argument when you look into the horrible things the CIA has been involved in and done both at home and abroad. But why do some believe the CIA killed him? Kennedy had fired the CIA Director Allen Dulles, the failure of the CIA’s Bay of Pigs and had intentions of cutting the CIA budget by 20%. The CIA has a long, a very long, history of leading coups and assassinations across the world. Is it really too much to believe they were involved?

Okay, let’s say the Central Intelligence Agency was involved. That doesn’t say who in the CIA killed him. Many point to Oswald, who many believed had ties to the CIA. The Marine veteran had allegedly defected to Russia but was able to return to the States without a hiccup, leading to a belief that he was working with the CIA. His defection to Russia is also why some believe that the KGB was involved in the death of the president.

Others claimed that Oswald had been a victim of CIA experiments, such as Project MKUltra. MKUltra was an illegal experimentation on Americans and Canadians where the CIA used LSD on individuals as a way to force confessions, brainwash and torture people. Many believe that Oswald was a victim of MKUltra which led to his actions. The same has been said about others, such as Ted Kaczynski, otherwise known as the Unabomber.

Outside of government agencies and shadow organizations, some say Lyndon B. Johnson orchestrated the murder as he wanted to be president before he got too old, as well as his political and personal issues with Kennedy. Some believe there were two gunmen, others believe a man with an umbrella shot the president. Others believe that Jacqueline Kennedy killed her husband with a “flowerpot theory,” whereas others say it was William Greer, Kennedy’s driver that day.

Secret Service, UFOs, magic bullets and communist spies, there are so many theories as to who killed Kennedy. Personally, I think he had a gnarly headache

This column is not meant to be taken seriously. It seeks to comedically inform readers of a few of the hundreds of theories into JFK’s assassination and is not meant to be taken as gospel.