‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Fans Just Started the Funniest JFK Conspiracy Theory Yet
Maybe it’s for the best that Dennis Reynolds decided not to run for office — and that his Range Rover isn’t a convertible.
Right now, the famed Kennedy family is in the middle of their most embarrassing scandal since Chappaquiddick as Robert F. Kennedy Jr., anti-vax icon and presidential hopeful, continues to unravel on his campaign toward inevitable defeat in the general election this November. To add to the shame, one RFK Jr.’s many vocal critics is his own blood, John Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg, President John F. Kennedy’s “only” grandson.
In a series of silly Instagram videos, Schlossberg has put on various personas to comedically criticize his crackpot cousin, saying of RFK Jr. in one such sketch, “He’s lying to you, alright? ‘Independent,‘ ‘third party,’ yeah frickkin’ right. He’s got Trump’s donors. He’s got Trump’s advisers, him and Trump go way freaking back. Don’t be fooled by that. Don’t throw away your vote.”
However, amidst his ongoing virality, Schlossberg has made the bizarre decision to intersperse criticisms of his mother Caroline Kennedy’s first cousin with thirst traps showing off his shirtless physique, which inspired easily the most lighthearted conspiracy theorizing in the history of the Kennedy family. After one such top-popped post, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia fans started asking questions about whether the D.E.N.N.I.S. system was an old family secret. After all, Schlossberg’s grandpa had to seduce Marilyn Monroe somehow.
“Why is John F. Kennedy’s only grandson wearing a mask of Dennis’s face?” one user in the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia subreddit wondered, while another asked in a separate thread, “Are the producers Nathan for You-ing us?” R
ight now, it seems like no two conspiracy theorists in the Always Sunny fandom agrees on one singular explanation for the striking resemblance, but our favorite hypothesis out there is that Dennis’ mother and Frank’s ex-wife was an even more ambitious “whooo-ur” than we thought.
To put on our “Pepe Silvia” caps for a moment, here’s a simple idea: Among Barbara’s many romantic conquests leading up to her pregnancy was one of the younger Kennedy men, but, when she made her move to baby-trap the American royalty, she was scared off by the Kennedys’ infamous mob connections — maybe even by those meat-loving mafiosos who threatened to whack off all of Paddy’s Pub back in Season Three.
Thus, she moved on to the second-most wealthy and connected man on her hit list, Frank, only later claiming that Bruce Mathis was the real father to piss off her ex-husband and possibly cash in on Mathis’ good fortune.
Honestly, if Dennis and Dee were secret Kennedys, they still wouldn’t be the powerful family’s most embarrassing descendants — Dennis can’t prove that he doesn’t have donkey brains, but he sure as shit isn’t worm-brained, either.
