5th anniversary of Covid outbreak provides perfect opportunity for conspiracy-minded simpletons to identify themselves
As the UK marks the fifth anniversary of the COVID-19 outbreak, and significant portion of the population solemnly reflects on lost loved ones, a much louder, considerably dimmer contingent has seized the moment to once again declare the entire thing a hoax.
A surprisingly number of below average intelligence citizens appear to blissfully ignorant of the more than 200,000 UK deaths, as well as the rather inconvenient fact that they saw hospitals overflowing with their own eyes.
“It’s all just a big scam, mate,” confirmed Simon Williams, 47, an unemployed YouTube researcher from Essex who once failed a GCSE science exam, but now considers himself deeply informed on virology.
“If you actually look into it, you’ll see that the so-called ‘pandemic’ was just a smokescreen for government control.
“That’s why they were making us wear masks—it was all about facial recognition, obviously.”
Williams’ insights were met with knowing nods from fellow truth-seekers at his local Wetherspoons, where they had gathered to share memes and expertly debunk centuries of epidemiological science between pints of Carling.
Despite overwhelming evidence of the pandemic’s severity – including firsthand accounts from frontline doctors, statistical data from nearly every health authority on the planet, and, oh yeah, personal experiences of contracting COVID themselves – this determined band of intellectual titans remains steadfast in their belief that the entire world conspired against them just to force them into the ignominy of wearing a facemask in Tesco.
With the anniversary prompting fresh social media debate, experts predict that the next few days will see an uptick in furious Facebook posts containing phrases like “sheeple wake up!!!” and “do ur own research,” accompanied by shaky mobile phone footage of a nurse standing near an empty hospital corridor at 3 AM.
