Love in the age of conspiracy: 5 tips to deal with disinformation and political polarization in relationships

If you’re in a relationship with someone who believes in a conspiracy theory, you might find yourself feeling like you don’t know the person you’re in a relationship with anymore. And you might be thinking about whether things will get better or wondering if you should leave them.

The World Health Organization has declared we are living in an infodemic, where misinformation is spreading like an infectious disease. A Leger opinion poll conducted in November 2023 found that nearly 80 per cent of Canadian respondents and almost 85 per cent of Americans believed at least one conspiracy theory.

While older adults often struggle to detect online misinformation, the poll found people between the ages of 18 and 34 were also likely to believe some conspiracies. Recent research has also found youth aged 13-17 are more susceptible to misinformation than adults.

The current socio-political environment has created a context where conspiracy narratives about COVID-19, vaccines, election fraud and other misinformation appear to be flourishing everywhere. However, there are steps you can take if you see your partner going down a conspiratorial rabbit hole.

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Conspiratorial beliefs

Conspiracy theories refer to beliefs relating to secret plots orchestrated by groups who are considered to hold power and have bad intentions. Misinformation refers to information that contradicts the best expert evidence available at the time. Lastly, political polarization describes ideological conflict between two (or more) opposing groups. Political polarization can create antipathy and prejudice among groups that don’t agree with one another.

One of the authors of this article, Kara Fletcher, is a couples and family therapist. In her practice, she has noticed an increase in clients sharing their confusion and hopelessness at their partner’s gradual adoption of conspiracy theories and misinformation. They’ve shared that their partners’ viewpoints initially became more conservative and then escalated into believing misinformation and conspiracy theories over time.

Clients have reported that their romantic partner has started to follow movements like QAnon, a far-right American political conspiracy theory. Or, more insidious and less obvious initially, their partners have started to consume podcasts like Infowars, Joe Rogan’s podcast or conservative websites like the Daily Wire. These podcasts and news sites have all come under scrutiny for spreading misinformation and conspiracy theories.

Our research team has undertaken multiple projects to better understand the impact of misinformation and conspiracy theories on couple well-being. While existing research is slim, there is some evidence of relationship disruption and harm.

We are currently conducting a scoping review of studies assessing the impact of QAnon involvement on interpersonal relationships. Participants in one research study described QAnon as a “malignant force in their relationship” which caused distance and distress. Participants however, reported a desire to understand their loved one and attempt to heal the relationship.

Similarly, emerging research also indicates that loved ones experienced emotional distress and a negative impact on their relationship since their “QPerson” started following the beliefs of QAnon. Anecdotally, the Reddit forum QAnonCasualties has more than 280,000 members.

What you can do

So, what can you do if you just don’t recognize your romantic partner anymore? If this sounds like a familiar experience for you, or someone you love, here are a few tips to try:

1. Keep your feet on the grass. Stay connected to family and friends. Living with or dating someone who espouses conspiracy beliefs and misinformation can be confusing and disorienting. You may start to question your own belief system when your partner is so convinced of theirs. Maintain your social supports and relationships outside of your romantic relationship. This will help keep you connected with other viewpoints and ideas and ground you.

2. Model and maintain a healthy social media and news diet. If your partner is only listening to far-right news sources, put on the radio, leave a newspaper on the table. Expose them gently to a wide range of ideas, while maintaining your own exposure to legitimate news sources.

3. Try not to shame and blame. Emotional arguments do not work and may cause the opposite intended effect. Your partner may feel that you are unsupportive and judgmental and not understand your well-intentioned concern. Individuals who feel judged for their beliefs may double down on adherence to those beliefs while under pressure.

4. Prevention. Where possible, encourage and practise critical thinking skills. One study found that teaching critical thinking to college students for a period of three months lowered students’ beliefs in conspiracy theories. Teaching critical thinking appears to be the best inoculation against adopting conspiracy theories and misinformation.

5. Get support if needed. You may love your partner deeply but find navigating this situation alone to be too much. You can speak to a therapist or connect with supports such as the Evolve Program and Life After Hate.

As our research develops, we hope to offer support that will bring couples with these experiences together to find solutions for their divergent belief systems and experiences.

Kara Fletcher receives funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada and the Saskatchewan Health Research Foundation.

Carlos Alberto Rosas-Jiménez and Jiaxing Li do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.