Are Q-Pilled Family Members Lost for Good?

In 2020, Dan’s wife lost a pregnancy. When Dan, a 41-year-old from Minnesota, told his parents about the loss, his mother said that the Covid vaccine was responsible for the miscarriage (though multiple studies found that it did not increase risk). In the months leading up to that, she had insisted that Covid-19 was man-made in a lab, a view that has now been advanced by the White House, and posted memes featuring slogans like Save the Children and Where We Go One We Go All. But when she blamed vaccination for the loss, it was the last straw. He started searching online for a way to combat his mother’s conspiratorial thinking.

In that search, he found r/QAnonCasualties, a subreddit for people whose loved ones have fallen down the QAnon rabbit role. Dan scrolled and posted and commented, hoping to find the resources to guide his mother out of her Q-pilled beliefs. “Learn how to steer them back to reality and heal yourself,” reads the sub’s description. Five years later, Dan — and many other subreddit members — no longer believe that’s possible.

QAnon is a conspiracy theory that posits the country is run by a cabal of Satanic, pedophilic Democrats who can only be stopped by President Donald Trump. When QAnon first began spreading in 2017, it was treated as fringe, but by 2020, Republican politicians who had voiced support for QAnon were winning elections. Now, the sitting President has repeatedly openly embraced the movement, leaving those fighting against it — like the sub members of r/QAnonCasualties — pessimistic and exhausted.

“Five years ago, if your family was deep into the Q lore, you could say, ‘Hey, look at all of the people out in the world saying that this is bogus,’” says Dr. Jennifer Whitmer, a sociology professor at California State University Stanislaus who studies conspiracy theories. “But now, with those beliefs being mainstreamed, they gain more legitimacy and it’s harder to challenge them. Those fringe beliefs have become legitimized through sources of power.” 

When Dan first joined r/QAnonCasualties in 2020, he believed he could draw his mother away from the belief system she had adopted. He even decided to start volunteering as a moderator (a user who helps manage subreddits) to keep the page clean and functional. After work, he would spend hours reading through posts to ensure they abided by the subreddit’s rules. “You see depressing stuff over and over every day. Five years ago, we were looking for success stories and really interested in seeing what worked.” These days, he says, “you’re not seeing success stories.” 

But, Dan says, the mood has shifted in the group since Trump took office for the second time and continued to elevate Q-beliefs through actions like choosing Kash Patel, a Q-sympathizer, as his pick for the head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Now, posters are more cynical and there’s a fatalist bent to the conversations that wasn’t there before. In Dan’s early years in r/QAnonCasualties, he would suggest that other sub members try to approach their loved ones armed with facts. Now, those efforts can feel futile. “It’s almost like [my mom] is dead to me,” Dan says. “If I challenge somebody who’s believing in a conspiracy theory, they’re not going to change their mind. They’re going to double down.” 

Researchers confirm Dan’s instinct: Simply talking about the theory can reinforce it. Whitmer references the “illusory truth effect” to explain the phenomenon: “Your brain relies on certain shortcuts to judge quickly whether ot not something is true, and if you’ve heard something repeated a number of times, your brain is more likely to judge that as true information, and not necessarily remember it within the context of being debunked,” she says.

“There’s no winning,” says Jill, a 29-year-old r/QAnonCasualties sub member who joined because of her mom’s beliefs. “You could show them anything you want — facts and everything — and they won’t believe you.” When Jill stumbled upon the subreddit, she simultaneously felt relief that she was not the only one dealing with a Q-obsessed family member and despair that so many other people believed the same outlandish things her mom does. Jill has come to accept that there’s no changing her mom, but she stays subscribed to the sub, sometimes commenting or posting herself. “I just use it to vent and get things off my chest,” she says. In her research, Dr. Whitmer has found this desire for connection. “People were just desperate to talk about this,” she says. “They were in mourning for their relationship with their loved ones which has become so contentious. They want to feel like they’re not alone and they’re not crazy.”

In Dr. Whitmer’s research, she’s found that many people who subscribe to conspiratorial thinking are isolated or marginalized in some way and looking for community. What can help draw people away from these beliefs is “finding ways to occupy people’s attention that doesn’t have to do with these kinds of conspiracies or politics or anything like that. Spend time with your family or get them involved in something else. It might not necessarily change their mind, but [could] distract them. That seems to be the most effective thing we saw, the thing that actually leads to changes in beliefs.” But her ultimate advice? “Protect yourself,” even if that means taking space away from the relationship.

Dan is still a moderator on the r/QAnonCasualties subreddit, despite what he characterizes as high moderator burnout. He feels desensitized to the constant stream of stories that flood the subreddit. “It’s like working in an emergency room,” he says. “Maybe the first time something crazy happens, it shakes you to the core. The next time, you’re more able to handle it. The difficult reality for me to really accept was that it was impossible to change someone’s mind about things.” But if he doesn’t believe people can be brought back from their Q-pilled beliefs, what is he doing spending his time as a moderator on the subreddit? “I don’t know honestly, why I do it,” he says. “It feels charitable. I don’t feel as alone.” Jill, who has been a subreddit subscriber for years, says she notices that the newer members are still determined to change the minds of their loved ones. She’s given up on that. “It’s just something I’ve accepted. I know there’s no changing or getting them out.”