BULLETIN FROM DR. ANTHONY FAUCI
I know you missed these!
Listen up, peasants.
I am a good person.
WHEN I SAID THINGS THAT WEREN’T TRUE ABOUT MASKS, IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
WHEN I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM INVESTIGATING THE WUHAN LAB, IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
WHEN I PROMOTED A VACCINE THAT HAS NOW HAD MORE SIDE EFFECT REPORTS THAN ALL THE OTHER VACCINES EVER, IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
WHEN I SAID THREE DOSES WOULD WORK EVEN THOUGH TWO DIDN’T –
You get the idea.
I am a good person. A very good person. I don’t want to use the word great, but if you do, I’ll understand.
I don’t do this for the money. That $10 million the wife and I have saved up, that’s beans. My house is modest by Washington standards. Only one pool.
I don’t do it for the fame either. All those TV appearances, and radio hits, and podcast interviews, and magazine profiles, and newspaper profiles, and children’s books, and action figures, and –
THOSE MEAN NOTHING TO ME. NOTHING. I don’t even keep track of them, mmmkay?
Why do I do it?
I do it because I love you all. You are my patients, and I am your doctor. The relationship is sacred.
Also if I quit now it’ll look like I lost. Fuck that, peasants. I am science, and science will win. I know because Pfizer told me so.
Just look at all the winning!
BULLETIN FROM DR. ANTHONY FAUCI!
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