“I’m A Former Conspiracy Theorist”: 23 Brutally Honest Confessions That May Change The Way You See Your Weirdest Uncle

Recently, on Reddit, a former conspiracy theorist hosted an AMA where they invited other users to “ask me anything” about their experience falling down the conspiracy rabbit hole and climbing back out again.

They kicked off the conversation by writing, “I used to be a 9/11 Truther, I thought the Bilderberg Group was using George W. Bush as a puppet to implement Agenda 21, and actively warned people about fluoride in their drinking water. I believed Nibiru would pass through our solar system in 2012 and something would happen that would permanently change the world, like alien contact or a cataclysmic pole shift or metaphysical shift in consciousness or something. Regardless of what, I didn’t plan my life after 2012 because I didn’t expect the world in its current state to still be around after that.

When it didn’t happen, I needed a plan for my life, so I finally went to college and learned how to do proper research. I realized that I was cherry-picking information and accepting other people’s conclusions without question, just like the religious fundamentalists I spent so much time mocking online. When I applied the same level of scrutiny to my own beliefs, they started to crumble, and over a few years, I de-radicalized myself. Ultimately, what I was upset about all along was the evil overlords hoarding the wealth instead of spending it on the things that would do the most good for the most people.

A lot of the stuff I believed back then in the late ’90s and 2000s has persisted or mutated into what is now QAnon, so I do have some insights into that mindset and those beliefs. Now, I see conspiracy theories as a modern version of fundamentalism, using paranoid misinformation in place of scripture. I don’t hate them. I pity them because I used to be them, and I recognize the line of thinking that keeps them there.

Ask me anything.”

1.Q: How old were you when all this was happening?

2.Q: What got you into conspiracies in the first place? Was there anything your friends could have done early on to divert you?

A: The earliest one I remember genuinely believing was after seeing a documentary on Fox, I believed that the moon landing was faked. I was raised by an abusive narcissist, so I was already predisposed to being anti-authority and rebellious, so anything that told me the authorities were all evil and trying to hurt me was easy to get on board with.

I grew up in a small town, so most of my friends were also on board. I saw the other people who weren’t my friends and disagreed with me as mindless rubes who didn’t want to know the truth, so I was very dismissive whenever they questioned me. I had to figure out on my own that I was wrong.

3.Q: I got deep into conspiracy theories after leaving a fundamentalist Christian cult and found that the beliefs filled a void that was left behind. Did you have any similar experience with religion when you were younger?

A: No, I was raised secular. My dad always mocked religious people. The conspiracies kind of filled that void of a simple story to explain why the world is the way it is.

4.Q: I would really like to know exactly how that moment happened in college where you “realized” you were “cherry-picking information.”

5.Q: Did you begin a systemic scrutiny of your beliefs? Was it more subtle and gradual?

A: It was very gradual. First, I would look up things I thought were true just to confirm them, to only be able to find unreliable sources or a citation that leads back to a psychic medium saying things in a trance. At first, it was scary, but then I took on the mindset of disproving misconceptions, which made it more fun to be wrong about stuff.

6.Q: What questions did you ask or what was the process of deradicalization? I’m interested in doing the same.

A: I was also an edgy atheist who constantly mocked and picked apart religious arguments and beliefs, so, at one point, I had to ask myself, “Do I apply the same level of scrutiny to my own beliefs that I do to the people who I’m always mocking and criticizing for being gullible and naïve?”

Occam’s Razor is another good rule to follow. Is it more likely that thousands of unconnected random government employees actually managed to pull off a coordinated operation without a single person messing up or leaking any information, or did some pissed-off extremists just get really lucky due to the government’s neglect?

Another one is just recognizing common tactics that groupthink organizations use. Are our enemies both incompetent and inferior, as well as powerful and controlling the world? Has our side never done anything wrong or made any mistakes, and if they have, is it somehow okay when we do it? Am I refuting and disproving the arguments against my side rather than just ignoring them? Have I actually looked into these arguments myself, or am I just agreeing with something that sounds good and reinforces my worldview?

The world is a scary place, and believing in conspiracies gives you a sense of feeling like things are under control, even if the people allegedly in charge are evil. At least then it makes sense when bad things happen. But no one is in control. No one has all of the correct information. We’re all just making shit up as we go along. Life is random, and shit just happens sometimes, and the universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.

The fictional universe created by conspiracy theorists can be very interesting and entertaining, but you know what else is? The actual universe. There’s so much fascinating stuff in the world that we actually have evidence for and technology based on, and we’re constantly making tiny leaps of progress toward a more complete picture of how the universe functions and our place in it. You don’t need to make shit up about the world for it to be interesting. There’s already so much we don’t know.

Be motivated by your ignorance to find the truth rather than ashamed of not already knowing the answer.

7.Q: What’s your advice for doing proper research these days?

8.Q: Are there any conspiracy theories you still do believe in?

A: I don’t think there’s any need for conspiracy theories because there is plenty of demonstrable corruption and collusion in plain sight. People are right that there’s something wrong with the world, but they don’t need to make shit up to explain it.

9.Q: In this age of information, it seems that misinformation has flourished at an alarming rate. The amount of people who refuse to believe any mainstream news or academia and only get their information from unreliable sources seems to be increasing, as well as that minority is becoming more vocal. But also this part of society has recently attracted people who previously wouldn’t end up on those parts of the internet. For example, my aunt, who previously was just a holistic medicine tarot card gluten-free health nut, became a full-blown anti-vaxer, always talking about Soros. How do you feel the past ten years of conspiracy theories have changed the demographics of fringe believers across race, gender, and social status?

A: I find it ironic that the people who taught us as kids not to believe everything we read on the internet turned out to be the ones most easily taken in by misinformation on the internet. Media literacy is definitely lacking in this country, right alongside empathy for people who are different. Conspiracy theories don’t really appeal to specific demographics as much as they appeal to a feeling of powerlessness, which anyone is susceptible to.

10.Q: How scary is it to see the fringe beliefs that you used to follow become mainstream?

11.Q: Any tips on dealing with conspiracy theorists? How would you approach a discussion with one? Or is it futile anyway?

A: I think it’s worth doing, but tentatively. Some people are really far gone, but they usually got that way by being mocked and dismissed and laughed at. If you take them seriously and offer some level-headed skepticism of their beliefs, they will respect you and consider what you’re saying. 

It’s like being in a cult that you indoctrinated yourself into. They typically end up there because they don’t feel like they have anywhere else to go, so you should make sure they know they do have somewhere else to go where they won’t be judged or looked down on. You’ll never leave the only thing you’ve ever known if you don’t think there are any other options.

12.Q: Do you think deradicalization can ever come from external pressure, or does it have to come from a starting point of self-realization? I.e. is it worth trying to have discussions with those in the conspiracy theory rabbit holes?

A: I think it mostly has to come from within, but it is possible to incept them a little bit by planting seeds of doubt. The best test to see if someone understands what they’re talking about is to have them explain it to someone else. 

Engage with them and ask them to explain in more detail so you can understand because it will reveal a lot of holes in their arguments that they probably haven’t considered. This will probably rub them the wrong way and make them defensive, so they might need reassurance that you aren’t attacking them. You genuinely want to understand. It won’t be an a-ha moment that changes their mind. It’s a slow burn over time.

For me, the catalyst that made me realize I wasn’t being intellectually consistent was some YouTube video I watched about conspiratorial beliefs and how people can simultaneously believe both that Osama Bin Laden was dead before 9/11 happened AND that Osama Bin Laden was never killed and still alive, and I realized that I believed both of those things to be true. You can’t just tell them they’re wrong. You need to lead them down the path to figuring it out on their own.

13.Q: “I realized that I believed both of those things to be true.” How did that happen functionally in your belief system? No shade, I’m genuinely super curious!

14.Q: Would you say fear was a big component of your earlier beliefs? Or was there any development of it over time? I see a lot of vulnerable people who are just so scared — they don’t have enough money, their relationships suck, they don’t have a gratifying job — so they fall prey to grifters, people blaming others, or something random like conspiracies.

A: Definitely. It really appeals to people who feel powerless. Thinking you have the secret information that could save the world makes you feel powerful.

15.Q: Do you find your life less fun and interesting? I know my conspiracy-minded friends were generally the most fun and interesting people to talk with in my life, and even the most batshit stuff they would say ended up being entertaining as hell.

A: Not really. There’s plenty of beauty and intrigue in the world without needing to make stuff up. If you think the world is boring, you just aren’t looking hard enough.

16.Q: My question is about conspiracies in general. I’m not American, and yet so many conspiracies I’ve encountered online and via credible news broadcast reports are US-centric in some way. Is this fundamentally a US problem? Are there generally more conspiracy believers in the US?

17.Q: What was your personal life like when you were a conspiracy theorist? Did you have friends? A support system? A close family member of mine has been a conspiracy theorist for 10 years, and they’ve isolated themselves and have trouble making friends.

A: When I moved out of my parents’ house, I lived with my girlfriend, who was also into conspiracies, just not as deep as I was. When she broke up, I had a couple of friends move in to help pay rent, and they were more skeptical but also a little woo-woo themselves. When they moved out, I couldn’t find anywhere myself, so I ended up homeless, sleeping on a friend’s bedroom floor for a couple of months until I found a group of college girls who needed a roommate. That might sound fun, but it was NOT FUN, and I ended up breaking the lease to get out early and lived in a shitty little studio apartment that was broken into twice in less than two weeks. Then my landlord offered me a different place across town that was significantly nicer, I just had to live with total strangers. I stayed in my room and never socialized with any of them.

I had a few friends, I was in a couple different bands, I hung out at my weed dealer’s house, but for the most part I stayed at home by myself where I felt safe, playing video games and watching movies. People came over more than I ever went anywhere. I only really made new friends through existing friends.

18.Q: Do you ever catch yourself falling into that old, conspiratorial kind of thinking, even for just a few moments?

A: Sometimes. When I’m in a bad mood, I start assuming terrible intentions about everyone around me. I’ll admit I’m pretty openly biased against corporations and will knee-jerk assume they are intentionally hurting people rather than just making cold, amoral capitalist business decisions.

19.Q: How did you manage to stay engaged with politics to any degree throughout the process of deradicalization?

20.Q: Did your family and friends play into your beliefs at all, or did they tend not to engage with them? Do you think it would’ve been better/worse if they did/didn’t?

A: My dad is extremely Libertarian, so he didn’t have many objections to most of what I was saying. He’s now a huge MAGA dude, so that’s unsurprising. My mom has always been an enabler, so she just sat on the sidelines, hoping everyone would just get along. My older sister was curious and asked questions, but I think she was mostly checking that I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone or do anything violent. My brother didn’t really object but didn’t really get on board with it, either. 

It wasn’t until I started dating my ex, who was a huge skeptic, that I had to start defending and proving what I was saying that I started getting lots of pushback from the people in my life. It did help me start to understand that I didn’t know what I was talking about as much as I thought I did.

21.Q: What role do you feel mental health plays for folks who engage in conspiracy theories and the communities that build up around them? I feel like depression, anxiety, OCD, and more severe diagnoses like schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder could play into someone’s vulnerability to believe, so to speak.

A: Those kinds of disorders do make people a little more open to suggestion, but the thing that makes conspiracy theories effective is their emotional appeal. They give you an answer to why the world is so cruel and unfeeling and a boogeyman to blame for it. They cause you to isolate yourself from people who don’t believe all the same things as you because they’re essentially collaborating with the enemy. 

Living in that paranoia is also a strain on your mental health, so if you weren’t suffering from some kind of mental illness before, you definitely would be after a year of being immersed in it.

22.Q: Do you think there’s a layer deep down at which you knew these things were bullshit? I ask because there almost seems to be a delight in which some of these people play fast and loose with the truth.

23.Q: I have often read and heard that you can’t pull people out of cults and conspiracies and that people need to come to their own conclusions. It always sounded to me like the conspiracy version of “you have to let them hit rock bottom,” and that has always seemed distastefully indifferent to me. Do you think that’s true? Are there meaningful and helpful ways to engage with people getting radicalized that can help pull them out or at least help them start questioning?

A: Yes. You can’t force anyone to change their mind. Even if you manage to convince them, they choose to be convinced. No one else can make you change your mind except you. They need to come to a conclusion on their own before they truly believe it. 

All you can do is let them know you are concerned for them, and you will be there to help them should they ever choose to leave and need your help. Being into conspiracy theories is just like being in a cult. Part of what keeps you there is how you feel isolated from the rest of the world. Let them know they’ll have somewhere to go, and they’re more likely to leave.

Have you ever been interested in conspiracy theories or learned that you believed something that wasn’t true? Were you surprised by any of this former conspiracy theorist’s answers to these questions? Tell us what you think in the comments.

And if you’ve had a life experience that you’d like to answer questions about for a future BuzzFeed post, let me know in this anonymous Google form.